Category Random/Rant

Get Out Of Our Pews! Reflections After Tragedies

Brian Aaby 2 Comments

As if it were yesterday, I remember taking a geography test of the 50 states. I remember struggling with some of midwest and most definitely with the New England states. Which one is Vermont and which is Connecticut? Even so, I was still among the first students done and our third grade teacher always encouraged us to, read, work on other classwork or put our heads down and rest if we were ever waiting for others to finish tests and quizzes. I wasn’t a reader, I didn’t like schoolwork, so I ALWAYS chose head-down and quite honestly, there were times I fell asleep!

In my wildest nightmare I cannot imagine being awakened by the sound of gunshots.

I can’t help but think that some young boy or girl at Sandy Hook Elementary had his or her sweet daydreams interrupted by the evil reality of bullets flying through the air seeking to put to death all hope. How are we to respond?

Unfortunately schools, malls and movie theaters are no longer the safe-havens we once thought they were.

If this were not Newtown, CT, but was my own community, how would I respond? If I found out my neighbor had a son or daughter wounded, or even worse, killed, how would I respond? 

I hate to say this, but I wonder if I’d even know? Of course I’d know about the incident, but would I know that my neighbor was directly affected? And even if I found out they were victims of this violence, what would I do?

Without relationship would I even choose to invest?

Sure, I’d pray for them, but without relationship, would they even know that I wanted to pray with them?

Christians, it’s time for us to get out of our pews (or nice padded Sunday seats that most of us experience at our weekly gatherings). It’s time for us to know, love and do life with our neighbors. It’s time to invest in their trials and celebrate their triumphs! The good news should be active.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, the early church was founded by the early believers gathering together (just as we do); they would meet together, study the teachings together, break bread together and pray together… as a result God added to their number daily those who were placing their trust in Jesus. Scripture tells us that they had favor with ALL THE PEOPLE. This means that though they gathered and prioritized these four elements, they didn’t just gather, they dispersed. They met the needs of others (Acts 2:42-47 and Acts 4:32-37).

Have we forgotten to disperse? Have we neglected to meet the (physical, spiritual, emotional and relational) needs of others?

Are we prioritizing our gatherings like church, Bible studies, youth group and small group but forgetting to disperse? Have we forgotten to be the church because we’re too busy gathering as the church? The good news is meant to be active!

How will we have favor with all the people if we don’t prioritize dispersing?

It’s time for us to wake-up and invest in relationships with our neighbors, teammates, classmates and co-workers (churched and unchurched). Our pride and fear of rejection should not prevent us from applying God’s highest commands to love him and love others. In real relationship, our neighbors will know where we stand with Jesus and even if they choose not to believe, it won’t be because they never heard or saw our love for God and our love for others!

Knowing our neighbors will certainly not prevent all tragedies. But maybe, just maybe, personal investment in our neighbors will lead to less loneliness? If nothing else, the investment in these relationships will lead to knowing how to step in in the midst of these tragedies.

It’s time for us to get out of our pews!

Grace,
Brian

13 Things To Consider for 2013

Brian Aaby 1 Comment

I’m not a new year’s resolution type-a-guy. I’m not against them, to be honest, I just put off thinking about them until December 31 and by then I’d just be making a resolution on a whim.

Instead of a resolution, I created 13 considerations to think about between now and the New Year. Perhaps a few of things will become more than areas I just consider, but truly become things I commit to.

I invite you to the journey… make some assessments and see if any of these considerations for 2013 are ones you want to embrace.

  1. Who is a person I did not spend much (if any) time with in 2012 that I’d like to reconnect with in 2013?
  2. What are some ways I’d like to cut back on online social networking and step forward in-person socializing?
  3. What are some (new) ways I can serve, encourage, pray for and bless my wife?
  4. What is a possession I will give away (or sell) in 2013 in order to bless someone else?
  5. What is one specific and meaningful date I can plan for each one of my kids?
  6. Knowing we are one year closer to Jesus’ return, who are three people that I’d like pray for, care for and (hopefully see opportunity) to share the gospel with?
  7. What is something I want to do this year that most people would be surprised by?
  8. What is a segment or book of the Bible I don’t know as well as I’d like that I will take steps to know more?
  9. What restaurant have I not been to that I will go to in 2013?
  10. What are three areas of my life that I currently see as areas in need of strengthening?
  11. Who are three people in my life that I see as “strong or experienced” in the above mentioned areas that I can have a coffee/meal with for a one-time (or more) mentoring time?
  12. What book (among the scores that have been suggested) have I not read yet that I will FINALLY read?
  13. Who is one person (outside of my family) that I will specifically make it my goal to bless and encourage for the entire 2013 year?

Any other questions you’d like to share that could cause us all to think? Which of the above list sparked some deep thoughts for you?

Grace,

Brian

The Most Important Poll You’ll Ever Take

Brian Aaby 2 Comments

Yes, it was worth it to interrupt your holiday weekend to come to this all-too-important Blog-Poll.

Those lovely election phone calls and polls you took were semi-imporant… but they’re no match for this one!

This is one to be prepared for and perhaps even prayed about. Be careful you’re not drugged out on tryptophan when attempting this doozy of a poll.

Yep, it’s time for the Impossible Thanksgiving Day Poll.

WARNING: Much time and thought has gone into the preparation of said poll. Think through your answer and be ready to give an account for your answer. The way this economy, global warming, traffic delays and zoo overcrowding are looking, this hypothetical may soon very well be our reality.

Don’t hesitate to comment below and share why you chose to omit such an important aspect of someone else’s Thanksgiving Day tradition!

Grace,
Brian

Five Youth Pastor What Ifs

Brian Aaby 1 Comment

I was a youth pastor for 16 years and for the past four years I’ve continued to work with hundreds of youth pastors through Youthmark and networking. All told, I’m two decades into this youth ministry adventure. My outlook on the student ministry culture certainly took on different perspectives during these years. From the rookie years to the “seasoned veteran” years (which, in youth ministry, takes place around your late 20’s), I have consistently looked back and wondered, “what if?”

I thought I’d jot a few of these “what ifs” down, perhaps just to encourage others. Maybe I’ll come back to some more “what ifs” later, but here are five that stand out to me right now.

1. What if I would have set a better example of peer-to-peer evangelism instead of using pastor-to-youth as my evangelism excuse? [I likely would have discovered that students have the same insecurities and fears I had and I would have begun engaging in and then training others for real-life, relational (with words) evangelism earlier].

2. What if I would have known at an earlier stage that “youth ministry” is actually student, parent, family, peer and church ministry? [I certainly would have had better volunteerism, more parent support and I likely would have felt more respected by the adults in the church rather than alienating others with the “I must prove myself to them” attitude I think I adopted].

3. What if I would have known that putting in more hours, working more days and trying to please as many as possible would NOT impress anyone other than myself? [I would have likely had a better relationship with those in authority over me instead of secretly wishing that they all would notice the hours, days and efforts so that I’d get a raise].

4. What if I would have fallen in love with coffee earlier in my youth pastorate? [I’d likely be dead from caffeine overdose… or more people would know Jesus, as the coffee shop has become one of my primary evangelism outlets]

5. What if I recruited adults to pray with our students instead of just praying for our students? [Disclaimer: I had many adults involved with our teens… but not nearly enough! This honestly is my #1 “what if?” And here is my answer: I believe that we’d see the national statistics of up to 85% of students leaving the church flipped. I believe that we’d see students and adults begin to understand the truth of 1 Corinthians 12–we are one body, many parts and all the parts are needed and I believe we’d see MANY more adults not intimidated by the teen population and vice-versa. I believe that our Sunday morning experience would look and feel way more familial and way more welcoming!]

Honestly, most of this ties into that last one. I wish I would have had someone investing in me at a deeper level. What if someone was praying with me and not just for me? I wish something like Pray21 would have been around 15, even 10 years ago. At the risk of touting product over blog content, I want to urge folks to check this thing out. Team students up with caring adults (even get the mentor for pay the $10 or so for both books) and get this praying with youth thing started!

What if?

Grace,
Brian

An Open Letter to the Departing Youth Pastor

Brian Aaby 18 Comments

[Note: It is important for the readers to know that this “open letter” is not to anyone specific. I do not know of someone preparing to leave or in the middle of this difficult process. I simply am speaking from 20 years of experience (and even my own success and/or failure in this area) and from the number of opportunities God has now given me to consult with churches who are in transition between youth pastors.] 

Departing Youth Pastor,

When you decide to leave, please do us a favor and leave well.

I totally understand that you’re leaving for any one (or combination) of a myriad of reasons. But whether you’re leaving for something bigger or better, or leaving because you’re bitter, please be aware of the wake of your departure and the damage it may cause.

Yes, I completely understand the temptation to justify your position as to why you are leaving or why you were asked to leave, but please do everyone a favor and protect the bride (the church)–even if this specific church or a few select people did some things or will do some things wrong. I get it, you want others to feel what you have felt, you want all to know how hard it was to make this decision (or to have had it made for you) and you desperately want to hear, “It just won’t be the same without you.” But I simply want to encourage you to do the hard thing and take the high road. It is the better way and you will not regret it.

Whether you’re leaving by choice or have been asked to leave, others in your care will ask “Why?” Of course, you or others have many reasons why this move is taking place. But just because there are many reasons doesn’t mean that everyone is entitled to know them. You (and others) can protect that information. Most of us are on a “need to know” basis and we don’t need to know.

Any departure is tough, you likely love the masses, and probably dislike a few. Those few may be under your skin. Don’t let that outnumbered bunch mute the amazing chorus of your many friends, and the celebration of many victories God granted in your ministry. You loved the ministry, the students, your teammates and the families. Continue to love these people well by leaving well; bless them with words of encouragement rather than looking to fuel your pride. Flee the youthful lust of self-satisfaction. It’s too easy to let Satan kill, steal and destroy the precious memories made and victories won.

Your flesh will literally want to hear things like:

“You left some big shoes to fill”

“What will I do without you?”

and the worst one, “I heard they are leaving the church because of this too.”

Oh how I cringe at that last one. But in not leaving well once, I can admit that I wanted to hear those words. I wanted for others to see it my way, even though I knew that was wrong. I wanted others to leave with me. How immature is that?

There is much more to say in this letter… perhaps I’ll write more later, but for now, please know that I understand that it is hard and you likely have been and will be sinned against at some point in this process, but I can only urge you to do what is best in the long run. Bless others on your way out with words that protect the bride, that bless the ongoing ministry and pray for the transition of the new ministry leader. You will not ever regret doing these things.

Remember, these are our eternal teammates and and our war is not to be against one another, but rather against the enemy who is looking to divide us. Look to be a good teammate!

Grace,
Brian

A Guaranteed Way To See Lives Changed

Brian Aaby Leave a comment

Here’s the guarantee: Pray WITH Youth.

I have been very encouraged by the reaction to the release of Pray21! No, I don’t believe that this book is the guarantee to changed lives, but I do know that it serves as an excellent guide for Praying WITH Youth (which does change lives). Pray21 is a simple, less-than-a-month commitment between a teen and an adult mentor.

The guarantee is that Praying WITH Youth will change lives — the lives of both the teen and the mentor.

Take just a second to think of the effects it’ll have on a teen:

  • he/she will feel cared for and supported
  • he/she will discover gifts and abilities
  • he/she will learn from God’s word
  • he/she will have a sense of being a part of the greater body (not just youth group)
  • he/she will likely gain encouragement that is so desperately needed in his/her life

How about the effect it’ll have on the adults/church:

  • We will have a greater connection with the next generation
  • We will be reminded that teens are far more capable than what most think they are able to accomplish.
  • We will have a greater sense of our calling and influence
  • We will see that 1 Corinthians 12 is true (one body, many parts, all needed)
  • We will likely gain a lifelong friend

“Pray21 has made a bigger impact on our congregation than any other thing we’ve done together” Dave Lind, Senior Pastor, Calvary Bible Church, Rutland, VT

I know I want to see permanent changes in my own life and in the lives around me. Changes that lead me closer to the thoughts and actions of Jesus. Prayer is what will fuel these changes. Praying WITH a teen will change both of our lives!

So seriously, what would prevent you and your church from doing Pray21?

Grace,
Brian

More Lightbulb Moments Than Ever Before!

Brian Aaby Leave a comment

20 years ago I started my youth ministry career as a 19 year-old naive Youth Pastor at a church plant that was crazy enough to risk on a young man who was only two years into  his relationship with Jesus. One of the primary reasons I was drawn to this thing we call youth ministry was the light bulb moments in the lives of others. I love that moment when you truly see someone else get it!

  • That moment when the Gospel truly takes root
  • The time a student begins to understand how loving others actually relates to loving God
  • That time a parent gets that you showing up to a game makes a difference in the life of his or her child
  • Those moments when they get your hilarious joke when speaking (be patient, eventually it will happen!)
  • Or that time when he finally understood that tripping the girls isn’t the best form of flirtation!

Light bulb moments are what drew me into youth ministry and light bulb moments are what keep me on the path!

For the last two years I have volunteered on the college-ministry team at my church. Like most non-college towns (we are 30-45 minutes away from any major college/university) we struggle to keep a critical mass of students. In many ways I would say that we have been in maintenance-mode, faithfully serving those who have come and gone, but if I’m being honest, I’ve been waiting to see the light bulbs!

EVERYTHING has changed in the last six weeks!

Six weeks ago we shut down what we were doing and invited students to own and operate the ministry with us (adult leaders). We became a ministry that I coined “Student Led, Adult Mentored Ministry.” (I wrote about SLAMM here).

6…5…4…3…2…

Six weeks ago we (mentors) took the students out for an activity to help them understand the root of influence. Five weeks ago we prayed, plotted and planned together. Four weeks ago the first student led our Sunday morning time. Three weeks ago that same student led. Two weeks ago another young man led, just as he did yesterday. Next week a brand new student will lead! Through each of these four weeks the person leading, on his own initiative, has sought the mentoring of one of us leaders. Through each of the six weeks the gal doing the administrative aspects has been consistently seeking wisdom from her adult mentor.

It’s working!

My favorite mental picture from yesterday was the moment when Gaelan (the young man leading our time) asked us all to turn to a passage of Scripture. Almost all of us in the room immediately turned to the passage (just as we did last week), but three of the gals to my right are international students who have just recently started attending the group. And just like last week they didn’t know where to find the specific book in the Bible (after our gathering last week I mentioned this in private to Christine, one of our college gals). Sure enough, this week, Christine noticed, got out of her seat and helped the gals get to the passage and then remained with them the rest of the gathering! Relationship started!

I witnessed the light bulb moment in Christine’s life.

I know it is a small thing, perhaps a silly thing in your mind, but it was one of those light bulbs that keep my student ministry path lit!

Peer-to-peer ministry works. Let’s trust. Let’s mentor and let’s watch the Holy Spirit work  in and through these wonderful ministers!

Grace,
Brian

Don’t be THAT church…

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Whether an introvert or an extrovert you will likely agree that ultimately you don’t like the longterm feeling of being alone. Even if you’re not energized by crowds of people, time with individuals, especially specific people, can renew your drive.

Is your church a church where renewal takes place? Are you part of a church where introverts and extroverts alike walk away liked? 

On a recent trip to the New England states I had the opportunity to speak a number of times to Youth Leaders in these great Northeast states. Though I love speaking with and to Youth Leaders my favorite speaking engagement was with the students, parents and leadership in Rutland, Vermont. Calvary Bible is a church that gets it, not THAT church that doesn’t.

My friend Rob Townshend, had me share with his flock about Mission51. They get it. But they get so much more. This church is going above and beyond and setting an example that I believe can serve as a wake up to anyone attending a church and a word of encouragement to all congregations.

CBC recently sent an invitation to all the Pastors and spouses of Bible-believing churches in Rutland County. The invitation was for a fancy-shmancy catered dinner they hosted at their church. All told, 17 couples attended this unity-inducing event. 17 couples received love, attention and thanks for loving and showing attention to the people of Rutland County. CBC paid the bill, the pastors were shown the love and Jesus received the glory!

Unfortunately a couple of the Pastors at this dinner serve at THAT church. THAT church that doesn’t seem to get it. In talking to Rob, he passed on to me what he (unfortunately) heard from a couple of the Pastors. This was a comment that both crushed me and awakened me:

“Thank you so much for this gift. You’ll likely be the only ones who recognize and honor us during Pastor Appreciation month.”

I pray that I am never part of THAT church. I was a Pastor for 16 years, I have felt alone as a Pastor but can’t imagine what it would be like in rural Vermont. In an area that feels very northwest like–unchurched, I have to believe the loneliness that many of these pastor must feel is sure to be overwhelming at times. I love what Calvary Bible Church did for these co-laborers. And I love that the leadership did this because this is what is modeled to them by their own church! They’re becoming a community that reflects Acts 2:42-47.

I am no longer serving as a vocational Pastor. I am a member, congregant and lay leader. I pray that our Pastors feel appreciated, loved and thanked. But not because it is October (and Pastors appreciation month), but because it is Biblical and truly true. I love my church, our congregants and leaders alike! My prayer is that we are becoming an Acts 2:42-47 community and that as a natural, spiritual progression, God will add DAILY to the numbers being saved!

I don’t want to be THAT church. As far as it depends upon me (and hopefully as far as it depends on the rest of Faith Church), I will make sure that our pastors are recognized, thanked and honored.

 

How about you?

Grace,
Brian

Tales From The Field: Student Stories

Brian Aaby Leave a comment

This next spring Youthmark will be hosting our fifth season of “Mission51 Retreats.” Though we had been known for our Mission Ventures, the area of our ministry that has always scored the highest points has been our Mission51 Retreats and our curriculum.

Like our curriculum, each Mission51 Retreat has had a different theme and creative teaching/worship elements. This year we are making our biggest leap and risking in a brand new way and I’D LIKE YOUR HELP!

Can you do one (or more) of the following?

  1.  Tell a story of a student you know who is faithful to sharing Christ in his/her Mission51 Field (the 51 weeks outside of the mission)
  2.  Have a student write (email) in his/her story of building relationship/sharing Christ at a peer level at home.
  3.  Shoot (vide) a 1-2 minute (highest rez possible) of a teen sharing his or her story of being able to build relationship and share Jesus.*

Of course, you, as a youth leader, may have some stories of your own, I am really interested in hearing your stories of peer-level sharing (not just opportunities you had with teens).

Please send emails, videos and/or video links to info@youthmark.com.

-OR- simply comment here on the blog “I have one” and I’ll contact you (by commenting I, internally, have access to your email and can contact you).

We want to use these stories and videos as part of our Mission51 Retreat!

I can’t wait to reveal the theme and sneak in a few hints as to what will take place this year… stay tuned!

Grace,

Brian

*If doing video we need video permissions given, anyone 18 or older can say “I ______ give permission for Youthmark to use this video for promotion and training purposes”.  If student is under 18, get a video of his/her parent giving permission.

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: Pray21 The Re-Release!

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This is very, very exciting!

Youthmark has moved into the Publishing Realm!

Over the last few years I’ve been honored to be published by Spire-Resources, well, as of tonight, Youthmark officially moved into the publishing market with the official release of Pray21.

Chair drop (freebie) at the NYWC

Youthmark has given away close to 2000 copies of this book TONIGHT at the Youth Specialties National Youth Workers Convention (NYWC).

As I stated earlier, this is very exciting because this title fits EXACTLY in line with my blogpost about Trusting Teens. I believe this book will do much much in our endeavor to see students lead the cause of Christ. But here’s the equation I want to introduce:

WITH > FOR

That is, WITH is greater than for.

Praying WITH Youth will change your church. Your community. Our culture.

Students are ready to lead the cause of Christ. But they need the prayers, they need the encouragement. They need the mentoring of adults. They need to be trusted to lead and the humility to be led by a trusted mentor! Prayer will fuel this movement! Student Led, Adult Mentored Ministry!

It starts by getting congregations to believe in teens enough to pray not just for, but WITH students!

Check it out at Pray21.com and get your youth group, school or club involved. Pray WITH Youth!

Grace,
Brian