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Five Youth Pastor What Ifs

Brian Aaby 1 Comment

I was a youth pastor for 16 years and for the past four years I’ve continued to work with hundreds of youth pastors through Youthmark and networking. All told, I’m two decades into this youth ministry adventure. My outlook on the student ministry culture certainly took on different perspectives during these years. From the rookie years to the “seasoned veteran” years (which, in youth ministry, takes place around your late 20’s), I have consistently looked back and wondered, “what if?”

I thought I’d jot a few of these “what ifs” down, perhaps just to encourage others. Maybe I’ll come back to some more “what ifs” later, but here are five that stand out to me right now.

1. What if I would have set a better example of peer-to-peer evangelism instead of using pastor-to-youth as my evangelism excuse? [I likely would have discovered that students have the same insecurities and fears I had and I would have begun engaging in and then training others for real-life, relational (with words) evangelism earlier].

2. What if I would have known at an earlier stage that “youth ministry” is actually student, parent, family, peer and church ministry? [I certainly would have had better volunteerism, more parent support and I likely would have felt more respected by the adults in the church rather than alienating others with the “I must prove myself to them” attitude I think I adopted].

3. What if I would have known that putting in more hours, working more days and trying to please as many as possible would NOT impress anyone other than myself? [I would have likely had a better relationship with those in authority over me instead of secretly wishing that they all would notice the hours, days and efforts so that I’d get a raise].

4. What if I would have fallen in love with coffee earlier in my youth pastorate? [I’d likely be dead from caffeine overdose… or more people would know Jesus, as the coffee shop has become one of my primary evangelism outlets]

5. What if I recruited adults to pray with our students instead of just praying for our students? [Disclaimer: I had many adults involved with our teens… but not nearly enough! This honestly is my #1 “what if?” And here is my answer: I believe that we’d see the national statistics of up to 85% of students leaving the church flipped. I believe that we’d see students and adults begin to understand the truth of 1 Corinthians 12–we are one body, many parts and all the parts are needed and I believe we’d see MANY more adults not intimidated by the teen population and vice-versa. I believe that our Sunday morning experience would look and feel way more familial and way more welcoming!]

Honestly, most of this ties into that last one. I wish I would have had someone investing in me at a deeper level. What if someone was praying with me and not just for me? I wish something like Pray21 would have been around 15, even 10 years ago. At the risk of touting product over blog content, I want to urge folks to check this thing out. Team students up with caring adults (even get the mentor for pay the $10 or so for both books) and get this praying with youth thing started!

What if?

Grace,
Brian

An Open Letter to the Departing Youth Pastor

Brian Aaby 18 Comments

[Note: It is important for the readers to know that this “open letter” is not to anyone specific. I do not know of someone preparing to leave or in the middle of this difficult process. I simply am speaking from 20 years of experience (and even my own success and/or failure in this area) and from the number of opportunities God has now given me to consult with churches who are in transition between youth pastors.] 

Departing Youth Pastor,

When you decide to leave, please do us a favor and leave well.

I totally understand that you’re leaving for any one (or combination) of a myriad of reasons. But whether you’re leaving for something bigger or better, or leaving because you’re bitter, please be aware of the wake of your departure and the damage it may cause.

Yes, I completely understand the temptation to justify your position as to why you are leaving or why you were asked to leave, but please do everyone a favor and protect the bride (the church)–even if this specific church or a few select people did some things or will do some things wrong. I get it, you want others to feel what you have felt, you want all to know how hard it was to make this decision (or to have had it made for you) and you desperately want to hear, “It just won’t be the same without you.” But I simply want to encourage you to do the hard thing and take the high road. It is the better way and you will not regret it.

Whether you’re leaving by choice or have been asked to leave, others in your care will ask “Why?” Of course, you or others have many reasons why this move is taking place. But just because there are many reasons doesn’t mean that everyone is entitled to know them. You (and others) can protect that information. Most of us are on a “need to know” basis and we don’t need to know.

Any departure is tough, you likely love the masses, and probably dislike a few. Those few may be under your skin. Don’t let that outnumbered bunch mute the amazing chorus of your many friends, and the celebration of many victories God granted in your ministry. You loved the ministry, the students, your teammates and the families. Continue to love these people well by leaving well; bless them with words of encouragement rather than looking to fuel your pride. Flee the youthful lust of self-satisfaction. It’s too easy to let Satan kill, steal and destroy the precious memories made and victories won.

Your flesh will literally want to hear things like:

“You left some big shoes to fill”

“What will I do without you?”

and the worst one, “I heard they are leaving the church because of this too.”

Oh how I cringe at that last one. But in not leaving well once, I can admit that I wanted to hear those words. I wanted for others to see it my way, even though I knew that was wrong. I wanted others to leave with me. How immature is that?

There is much more to say in this letter… perhaps I’ll write more later, but for now, please know that I understand that it is hard and you likely have been and will be sinned against at some point in this process, but I can only urge you to do what is best in the long run. Bless others on your way out with words that protect the bride, that bless the ongoing ministry and pray for the transition of the new ministry leader. You will not ever regret doing these things.

Remember, these are our eternal teammates and and our war is not to be against one another, but rather against the enemy who is looking to divide us. Look to be a good teammate!

Grace,
Brian

Don’t be THAT church…

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Whether an introvert or an extrovert you will likely agree that ultimately you don’t like the longterm feeling of being alone. Even if you’re not energized by crowds of people, time with individuals, especially specific people, can renew your drive.

Is your church a church where renewal takes place? Are you part of a church where introverts and extroverts alike walk away liked? 

On a recent trip to the New England states I had the opportunity to speak a number of times to Youth Leaders in these great Northeast states. Though I love speaking with and to Youth Leaders my favorite speaking engagement was with the students, parents and leadership in Rutland, Vermont. Calvary Bible is a church that gets it, not THAT church that doesn’t.

My friend Rob Townshend, had me share with his flock about Mission51. They get it. But they get so much more. This church is going above and beyond and setting an example that I believe can serve as a wake up to anyone attending a church and a word of encouragement to all congregations.

CBC recently sent an invitation to all the Pastors and spouses of Bible-believing churches in Rutland County. The invitation was for a fancy-shmancy catered dinner they hosted at their church. All told, 17 couples attended this unity-inducing event. 17 couples received love, attention and thanks for loving and showing attention to the people of Rutland County. CBC paid the bill, the pastors were shown the love and Jesus received the glory!

Unfortunately a couple of the Pastors at this dinner serve at THAT church. THAT church that doesn’t seem to get it. In talking to Rob, he passed on to me what he (unfortunately) heard from a couple of the Pastors. This was a comment that both crushed me and awakened me:

“Thank you so much for this gift. You’ll likely be the only ones who recognize and honor us during Pastor Appreciation month.”

I pray that I am never part of THAT church. I was a Pastor for 16 years, I have felt alone as a Pastor but can’t imagine what it would be like in rural Vermont. In an area that feels very northwest like–unchurched, I have to believe the loneliness that many of these pastor must feel is sure to be overwhelming at times. I love what Calvary Bible Church did for these co-laborers. And I love that the leadership did this because this is what is modeled to them by their own church! They’re becoming a community that reflects Acts 2:42-47.

I am no longer serving as a vocational Pastor. I am a member, congregant and lay leader. I pray that our Pastors feel appreciated, loved and thanked. But not because it is October (and Pastors appreciation month), but because it is Biblical and truly true. I love my church, our congregants and leaders alike! My prayer is that we are becoming an Acts 2:42-47 community and that as a natural, spiritual progression, God will add DAILY to the numbers being saved!

I don’t want to be THAT church. As far as it depends upon me (and hopefully as far as it depends on the rest of Faith Church), I will make sure that our pastors are recognized, thanked and honored.

 

How about you?

Grace,
Brian

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT: Pray21 The Re-Release!

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This is very, very exciting!

Youthmark has moved into the Publishing Realm!

Over the last few years I’ve been honored to be published by Spire-Resources, well, as of tonight, Youthmark officially moved into the publishing market with the official release of Pray21.

Chair drop (freebie) at the NYWC

Youthmark has given away close to 2000 copies of this book TONIGHT at the Youth Specialties National Youth Workers Convention (NYWC).

As I stated earlier, this is very exciting because this title fits EXACTLY in line with my blogpost about Trusting Teens. I believe this book will do much much in our endeavor to see students lead the cause of Christ. But here’s the equation I want to introduce:

WITH > FOR

That is, WITH is greater than for.

Praying WITH Youth will change your church. Your community. Our culture.

Students are ready to lead the cause of Christ. But they need the prayers, they need the encouragement. They need the mentoring of adults. They need to be trusted to lead and the humility to be led by a trusted mentor! Prayer will fuel this movement! Student Led, Adult Mentored Ministry!

It starts by getting congregations to believe in teens enough to pray not just for, but WITH students!

Check it out at Pray21.com and get your youth group, school or club involved. Pray WITH Youth!

Grace,
Brian

Do You Trust Teens?

Brian Aaby 8 Comments

I don’t get it…

  • One scored six goals in a world cup game.
  • They’ve written world famous operas, inspired nations to battle victories and created the social networking phenomenon.
  • In athletics we’ve seen total dominance from some of them– a Heisman trophy winner, a Daytona 500 driver and one was arguably the best gymnast ever.

I’m talking about teens.

  • Educators push them to take AP Physics and Calculus.
  • They hold down jobs and we trust them to watch after our own children.
  • They create art, perform, bake, dance and defend our nation.

But in the church…

  • We ask them to listen to us (Sunday morning, mid-week and in small group).
  • We buy them endless amounts of pizza in the hopes they’ll come back.
  • We beg them to bring a friend to the camp that we planned for them.
  • We tell them to sit still while the Pastors and adults speak at them.
  • We tell them they are the next generation of leaders, but give them little to lead.

It’s time we (the church) take the governor off their accelerator!

Jesus gathered a group of ordinary young adults (most of them teens), mentored them and entrusted them to start the church.

Student Led, Adult Mentored (SLAM) Ministry.

This phrase causes angst among many. Some read student led and become anxious, they fear chaos will ensue. Others read it and are threatened “but how will I use my gifts?” Even teens may read it and have their doubts, “I’m too young, I don’t need more on my plate!”

But we’re only reading half of the phrase, we cannot forget the adult mentored part of the statement.

There’s nothing new under the sun. About a year ago I came up with this phrase ‘Student Led, Adult Mentored’ (SLAM) Ministry, but it is a concept that has been practiced for many many years. As already stated, it was what Jesus did, but it was also the way the very first youth ministry organization was started in 1881 (Christian Endeavor International) when a group of teens were challenged by an adult mentor (Francis Clark) to live daily for Christ and lead his cause!

Over the course of the next year with teens playing the key role, Youthmark, Christian Endeavor and a few others organizations and individuals are going to role out some game-changers in student ministry. We want to go back to the beginning where Jesus asked a group of teens if he could “teach them how to fish for souls?”

Students are ready, capable and already leading in so many other realms, it is time (again) for the church to give them room to operate and mentors to come alongside them!  

Grace,
Brian

Don’t wait, the first initiative is out for this movement. Go to Pray21.com and begin this thing with praying WITH teens!

Making Tents and How You Can Help!

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In prayer, by faith, we believe God is moving and using Youthmark and we’d love for you to consider this unique way of partnering (SPOILER ALERT: NO we’re not looking for you to write a support check)…

When we launched Youthmark in 2008 we had several people ask if they could support us (financially), but Elisabeth and I really wanted to explore what it would look like to do Youthmark as a ministry/business. Though Youthmark is certainly missional, we didn’t see ourselves as vocational missionaries. We simply asked for those making the offers to support other missions/ministries but implored them to pray for us!

Well, four plus years in and though we’re making changes, we’re still saying the same thing! We are moving toward producing other resources for the student ministry field. By faith we believe this is what God has called us to do, but it is risky to leave the “known” and explore the unknown.

As we continue to “make tents” (1 Cor. 18:1-3), we are confident that God will continue to provide for us. Besides creating resources, I believe there is one other arena that God will use to provide for us that also fits within my gift and passion set: Teaching. Training. Inspiring.

I love speaking, training and inspiring people for a life of mission here, there and anywhere. I believe it is my calling to train people (students, leaders, parents, etc.) in everyday opportunities we have to be used for the cause of Christ (Mission51).

If you are at a church, school or parachurch and looking for someone to come in speak and/or help create an event and experience where training and inspiration can be provided I’d love for you to consider partnering with me/us! I “play well with others” in that I can simply be a speaker/trainer for you, but I REALLY love the entire process where we dream, scheme, plot, plan and especially pray for the right direction for these events!

I said “us” above, because the under-discovered talent in the Aaby family is Elisabeth. She is such a gifted speaker, I’d love to see God use her to bless your ministries as well… Elisabeth is at her best speaking to women (youth, young adults, moms and at women Bible studies, etc.).

You can click here to see what sort of events I typically speak at and specifically what things have been on the calendar in 2012.

We prayerfully consider all opportunities and simply hope the asking party has done the same as they consider a budget for travel and honorarium. We want to work with our partners to develop a budget that honors God and each other!

Shoot me an email (brian at youthmark dot com), Tweet, Facebook message or even comment your interest and I’ll be happy to follow up with you. We can talk dates, times, desires, etc. as we begin the conversation!

We’d love your prayers as we make this transition in our lives and as God develops these new partnerships!

Grace,
Brian

Urgent Message To Pastors & Elders

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You may have faith, but do you have a faith that anticipates a great work of God?

Your church may have a Youth Ministry program, but are you anticipating God to do a great work through the people that make up that program?

You may hope for revival, but are you willing to challenge your congregation to pray and anticipate that revival for 31 straight days?

“The work has been chiefly amongst the young; . . . few others have been made partakers of it. And indeed it has commonly been so, when God has begun any great work for the revival of his church; he has taken the young people, and has cast off the old and stiff-necked generation.”  ~ Jonathan Edwards, commenting on the First Great Awakening

Elders at our church gifted each family with Pray31

On Monday, October 1, 2012 our church and thousands of churches around the nation will begin Pray31, a one-month, (& approximate) five minute per day, prayer initiative that focuses on praying for our nation. This is not political, it is spiritual. Elected officials will legislate laws that may or may not help the nation look more ethical/moral, but it is only God who can change hearts.

I was recently interviewed by Tim Eldred, the National Spokesperson for Pray31. I am excited about this initiative and we stand together   in hope that God, through Pray31, will unite the hearts of Christians across this country. As a result, I believe we will even then begin to see God at work through the lives of our young adults/teens! To that end, I’m equally excited about something that we (Youthmark) will release very soon (hinted at in the video)!

 

It’s not too late to get involved. Click here and order enough prayer atlases for your church. If you order early this week you’ll be able to pass them out this next Sunday so your church can begin next Monday, October 1!

What’s stopping you? Let’s anticipate God together!

Grace,
Brian

 

Big News For This Little Organization

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24… 40… 53…

…These numbers likely don’t mean much to the readership, but they were quite startling to me, especially last year when that 53 hit. These numbers represent the number of churches/mission teams Youthmark engaged for the purpose of training and missions in 2009, 2010 and 2011.

Though the seed was planted in my mind after the summer of 2010, somewhere around the new year (2012), I began to aggressively change the way I viewed the future of Youthmark. As I have stated in a previous blogpost, it was never my intention for Youthmark to be a Short Term Mission (STM) Organization. My own core conviction is that the entire field of Student Ministry should be our focus. I want to see students, staff, parents and the church improve the way we are ministering to one another and the needs around us. Mission51 (the 51 weeks outside the mission trip) is my passion!

Linking w/other orgs will enhance M:51!

Instead of focussing on the short-term mission, I began to focus on long-term partnerships with those who would be able to carry the load of managing mission trips so that we (at Youthmark) can be focussed on providing materials, strategies, consulting, speaking, etc. for the 51 weeks outside of the mission trip. Even with much of my time focussed outside of the “trip” God still blessed us with a wonderful spring and summer for Youthmark Mission Ventures (close to 50 churches/organizations engaged again).

With that as the backdrop, there are three or four STM organizations who are in discussions with Youthmark to partner with us at some level so that their mission trips can be more than just a trip and begin to really engage participants to be on mission the other 51 weeks of the year as well.

In my next post I’ll introduce you to our first official partner! I believe this partnership will lead to:

  1. More options for churches and students in the area of mission trips (domestic and international).
  2. Better  (specific trip) training for all engaged in STM’s.
  3. More tools/training options for Mission51 (ahh yeah, you’ve only seen the beginning)!
  4. More excitement (and more equipped missionaries) for the 51 weeks outside of the mission trip!

Though the concept is a couple years old, I truly believe Mission51 “the movement” is about to launch!

Stay tuned…

Grace,
Brian

 

How The 4th Of July Fireworks & Evangelism Are Similar

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10. Both are ultimately about celebrating freedom.

9. They both are about light shining in darkness!

8. Nobody likes them done “in your face.”

7. For many it’s just a once a year occasion.

6. They are both a little dangerous and adrenaline inducing!

5. Some believe they both should be illegal.

4. They make us look skyward.

3. Some people don’t like them done on their property because the clean-up process afterwards can take too long.

2. They are both better done with friends!

1. Many people prefer to watch “professionals” do it.

I hope you have a great 4th of July celebration. Enjoy time with family and friends and look for opportunities to share life and build relationships with those who do not know Jesus! And not just for this one day of this one week. There are 51 other weeks of the year that we get to do life with our neighbors, coworkers and family members! It really is Mission51!

May our lives display the love of Jesus and may our mouths sound forth the grace of Jesus!

Grace,

Brian

P.S.: Got any other similarities you want to share?

The Number Four

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Taking a four month sabbatical from blogging certainly did nothing to make my life slow-down, in fact, over the last four months there have been some really great things that have taken place. So, in celebration of the number four, I give you the Top 4 for the Last Four (months).

#4 Costa Rica Mission Trip

Costa Rica kids!

In April I was able to lead a group of eight college-age students to Nicoya, Guanacaste, Costa Rica. This Youthmark Mission is one-0f-a-kind. Distributing Bibles, speaking in schools and reaching out to entire communities where the Gospel had not been heard was such a blessing!

Joe and Hilary lead at the Portland M:51 Training

#3: Mission51 Retreats

This year’s LIFE Backwards theme will be a blog post in itself. But the “Six City Tour” was simply amazing. Many said “our best yet.” Coincidentally it was our fourth year of offering these things as well! As Youthmark continues to grow, morph and develop, we hope to teach many to do LIFE Backwards!

#2 Consulting & Coaching

w/ Grilled and Regular onions of course!

One of the areas of ministry that brings me life is the area of coaching and consulting. I am fortunate to be doing this on an informal basis with several but also in an official (contracted) capacity as well. One such “official” capacity is with Calvary Community Church in Westlake Village, CA. I absolutely love the people there and have bonded well with their staff! A side benefit, of course, to traveling to SoCal is the frequent stops at In-N-Out!

#1: The Family!

The thing that brings me the most joy and the most life is time with my family! Over the last four months I’ve gotten to have several family outings, daddy-daughter dates & daddy-dude outings (can’t call it a “date”). Now, if Elisabeth and I could only find some more time (and free baby sitting… hint hint) for some more Mommy-Daddy Dates!

My hope is the next four months are just as much of a blessing as the last four!

Grace,
Brian