Category Student Ministry Stuff (SMS)

Here, There and Social Justice

Brian Aaby Leave a comment

I was on a conference call yesterday with a couple prominent leaders of two different humanitarian aid organizations. These men are solid believers who want to see not just physical needs met, but spiritual needs met as well. “Social Justice” has been a buzz word the last few years; and Humanitarian Aid organizations are a part of the buzz.  Some have even become polarizing among churches and individual Christistians because of the organizations practice of providing aid  (food, water, shelter, medical, etc.) or aid-plus (the Gospel, education, etc.).  We’ll return to this phone call in just a bit…

About a week ago I posted the first in a series of posts that touch on a similar theme.  Through these posts I am basically asking the question about how a youth leader, church or leadership team should go about choosing a mission trip. The first was entitled, “Their Needs vs. Our Wants.” It built a case that we should be more mindful of the “need” of a receiving area then just meeting the “wants” you have as a group.  The second was entitled “Us/Them.” This post essentially gave a little balance to the first by making the point that you can both meet needs presented to you and see discipleship/growth take place in the lives in your group.  I believe this is done through training and has little to do with your destination.

Today, we bring in this “Social Justice” aspect.  We’re just a blink of an eye away from another natural disaster, whether something happens today, next week or not for a few months, something will happen on this planet that will tug on our heart-strings.  It may not even be a natural disaster like an earthquake, hurricane or tsunami; it may be a Depravity Disaster you become aware of (sex-slavery, violence and crime-rings, neglect of children in the inner-city or rural setting, etc.).  Regardless, our hearts will break and we’ll feel a natural, Spirit-born desire to do something about it.  And we should!  Sometimes the call is for financial support; other times we’re called to action… called to go.

Even as I write this blog a “tweet” just appeared in my TweetDeck from a nationally known Pastor “find a need and meet it.”

Let me get back to that phone call with the two humanitarian aid organizations (both have national and international influence).  We (Youthmark) are specifically looking at a specific area of need,  an area I have been aware of for about the last six months and consistently been thinking about how we could be of help.  I discovered this need after the publishing deadline for our mission brochure, but am certainly adding it to the places we want to serve.  Listen to what was said of this destination during this phone call:

  • “It’s not uncommon to see a 12 year old girl with all of her adult teeth already rotted out.”
  • “Just last week one of the 14 year olds we work with told us she is pregnant, I wish this wasn’t just accepted as ‘normal’ here.”
  • “We have women who walk to the store with completely unkempt hair, because their moms never ran a brush through their hair, they don’t know any different.”

When I asked about possibly bringing in a group or two they said:

  • “We’d want you to work with the children and youth the most; we’d have to put up flyers weeks in advance, you’d have to go door to door, because nobody has Internet… but you’d get a ton of youth to show up, they have nothing going on.”
  • “Some of these kids have NEVER been outside of this community.”
  • “You’d be such a blessing to this community, thanks for even considering this.”

To me it almost sounds like an underdeveloped, typically labeled “Third World” country.  But it’s not.  It’s a rural suburb (if there is such a thing) outside a major US city in the sun-drenched south… very close to what others have called “The Happiest Place on Earth.”

Social Justice causes will always exist; but I’d like to see a team raised up to meet both the physical needs in this community (stuff as simple as painting, assembling park equipment, repairing hurricane damaged trailers, etc.) but then extend that aid by providing education, hope and have all of it done with the Gospel in mind!

This year’s Youthmark training is entitled Anywhere for a reason, I truly believe God is calling us to all places.  No matter where we are we’re to be a missionary showing grace and compassion and always being ready to share why!  It’s because we are recipients of that very same grace, compassion and the Gospel!

I’d love for you to spread the word about these opportunities and the others.  Ultimately we want participants trained to be missionaries ANYWHERE!  It’s all about Mission51, but let’s do the “other one” (the one week mission) really well too.  Perhaps your “other one” this year would be to Florida? That would be pretty Socially Just of you! Contact us at 800.455.1450 and find out the details.

Grace,
Brian

SMS: Confessions Of A Youth Pastor

Brian Aaby Leave a comment

I received an email some time ago that I thought was worthy of posting to give the readers of brianaaby.com a glimpse into the heart and mind of other Youth Pastors.  I sought permission from this Youth Pastor and let him know how I thought his or her words accurately portrayed the mindset of many of us (even if just for a season). This YP was unable to attend a network lunch but wanted to share with the rest of the group his response the discussion topic I had thrown out for that month: In your ministry, where is the sometimes fine-line between motivation and manipulation?  Where is the Spirit-leading vs. where are you trying to make something happen?

If nothing else, I hope this Student Ministry Stuff (SMS) blog-post will speak to the value of participating in a local network where refuge, encouragement and unity in Christ are key elements!

I’ve changed his or her name to “Jordan” just to be silly and gender-neutral!

Over the last few months, God has been working in my heart like never before. I must admit, as a youth pastor, my selfish motives get in the way many times. “How I would love to see our youth group grow to 500 teens!” Don’t get me wrong – those 500 kids represent 500 souls, but in my selfish mind – those 500 kids would be the fruit of MY success story.

Youth ministry had become more of a functional program (or dys-functional at best) with all of the “bells and whistles” (new TV, cool stage lights, polished band) with the hopes that teens would get excited and start inviting their friends. And our group did grow a bit. Last year, there was some awesome momentum built and we saw some teens receive Jesus which really ignited a spark in our group.

But, something BIG was missing in the ministry. It seemed like at the end of the day (or night), it was status quo for me.

The ultimate problem was – ME. I realized that I was leading the ministry – well, in the power of JORDAN and not God. A MAN-MADE ministry. Sure I would do things like opening up my time studying for a message by praying, “Lord bless this message, amen.” When it came to picking worship songs, they weren’t chosen by prayer, but by what made me sound good. In other words, I really wasn’t coming to God and asking for His leading, I was more or less “winging it” myself.

I had to take a step back and do a spiritual inventory. Here’s what I’ve learned:

God is faithful – He doesn’t need ME to lead the teens. But He’s called me into this ministry and wants to use me. And, He wants ME to get off my duff and get serious for Him, which takes me to 3 months ago…

Up at the crack of dawn, 10 am….. JUST KIDDING! 5:30am which is HUGE for me! – seeking the Lord through prayer, spending time in His Word. Spending time (consistently) with Jesus! Not because “I have to.” But because, I love Jesus and if I’m to lead my family, if I’m to lead others, I need to lead by example.

What I truly believe is going to MOTIVATE the teens (that we all have the honor of leading) isn’t going to be a polished sermon or rockin’ youth band. It’s not going to be in our brand new 60’ plasma (keep your hands off guys!). What is going to motivate the teens is them seeing my love for Jesus and my love for them. I cannot take the teens where I haven’t been. Seek FIRST the Kingdom of God…. He’ll take care of the rest! This isn’t my ministry…. These aren’t my teens…. They belong to Jesus.

Brian, I am really enjoying the youth pastor luncheons each month! I love the group of guys that make up this family! Thank you for putting this group together…

I love you all!

Jordan

Taking an honest look in the mirror is needed (James 1); I appreciate “Jordan’s” confession and path described.  There isn’t a magic-pill or rabbits foot to rub, it truly is about intimacy with Christ.  As you grow in your intimacy with Jesus and rely on the Spirit you can’t help but fall deeper in love with the people the Lord will place in your path.

Grace,
Brian

Us/Them

Brian Aaby 2 Comments

Several days ago I introduced the topic of Us/Them in my post “Their Needs vs. Our Wants.”  In it I essentially ask the question of youth leaders and churches: should we look to do mission trips to areas that best serve our purposes and meet what we want next for our group, or should we plan a trip by responding to needs that have been presented?

It’s something that I’ve certainly been wrestling with at Youthmark and it has influenced the way we market our Youthmark Mission Ventures to churches here in the states.  On one hand I fully recognize that a Youth Pastor really should be assessing his/her youth ministry and considering what it will take to get them moving forward. The “cool” factor of going to a “destination” may get more participants involved (and on that path).  This was certainly a major consideration I had when I was a Youth Pastor.

In 1998 I pitched a mission trip concept to our church elders.  Knowing that my students were not confident (nor active) in sharing their faith, the concept of taking a “mission trip” seemed a little silly.  I really wanted my students to be missionaries at home before we took them “over there” to do missions.  So, my choices were: (A) do a “service” trip; one that emphasized working with our hands or (B) properly prepare and train our students to be missionaries wherever God may have us go.  Because I decided on the latter and then designed a discipleship program to train and equip the students I knew that our “destination” should be one that had the “cool” factor as well.  I simply wanted as many students trained and equipped for mission at home and I’d use the mission trip as the motivating factor!  IT WORKED!

We ended up taking five teams of with about 12 people each to five rural communities.  In most of these communities we did some sort of children’s ministry by day (VBS), service projects in the afternoon and then Youth Outreach at the local ball field/park at night.  Youth came out of the woodwork in these rural communities!  Our students became bold in their sharing, were blessed by meeting practical physical needs and gained great experience by serving the children as well.  Because we had 5 teams, the trip itself served as a great training ground for my volunteers as well; because I could only be in one place I learned to trust my leadership with the other four towns served.

My motivation was certainly what I wanted for our group! I wanted to see them grown in their “at home” witness by training them for an “over there” trip.  But we did it with wisdom.  There was no language barrier, there weren’t the huge financial burdens  yet there was still the “destination” motivations.  Our students returned with a passion for their lost friends at home.  Students began boldly proclaiming Christ… at home!

This summer Youthmark has some trips to similar “destination” places.  Let me tell you about “Their Needs.”

Alaska: We’ve now served in 7 different locations in Alaska.  Each has unique needs.  Let me relay some “facts” from last year about one of these places:

  • Before the Trip: The Pastor was hesitant about a team coming, he said, “we have 3-4 youth we ever see, so don’t come with expectations that a lot of teens will be reached.”
  • After the Trip: The Pastor was praising God for the work done through our Youthmark team. “There was one night we had about 50 people at the beach Brian, several students trusted in Christ, it was nothing short of a miracle!”

Hawaii: The most common statement I hear when I announce we have “Hawaii” as a mission location is, “Oooh, I bet that’s tough (sarcasm)? Sign me up, I’ll do a mission to Hawaii!”  Well, the bottom line, we’ve had ONE team “sign up” and go to Hawaii so far.  Unfortunately, church leadership teams, parents and others don’t see Hawaii as anything other than a “vacation” destination.

Let me tell you about Anahola.  Anahola is where we served two years ago.  1200 people call this village home (most are native Hawaiians).  In the 10 months before our team arrived the community experienced three teen suicides.  It has been the toughest place I have ever been to in terms of a mission trip.  There are true NEEDS in this place, the biggest need is the Gospel to be presented so that the people can know the grace of God is present!  They need hope!

In addition to the great ministry, our teams got to experience some awesome “stuff” in both states (typically with the teens we ministered with/to). Meeting the needs of a community and the wants for your group is entirely possible.  Maybe you know of a group still considering what to do this summer?  It may not be Alaska or Hawaii they are looking for; perhaps a different state so they can save on flights; or perhaps Canada, Mexico or Costa Rica? Additionally, you may know of teams simply looking to enhance their training for a mission. Youthmark would love to help equip them for Mission51– not just the mission, but the 51 weeks beyond the mission as well. Please have them contact us at 800.455.1450 and we can talk specifics (or pass on the brochure here)!

Consider passing this post on to Youth Leaders, Pastors and churches you think of that could/should consider partnering with Youthmark!

Grace,
Brian

SMS: Know Your Margins (Part 3)

Brian Aaby Leave a comment

Do you remember the Southwest Airlines “wanna get away” commercials?  Typically they portray a person making a crucial mistake or getting caught in a very embarrassing situation.  More-than-likely you’ve had wanna get away awkward moments in ministry; but I’d argue that you’ve had the wanna get away feeling more because of busyness than embarrassment.

“Too busy” may be your reality.  “Too busy” may be your defense mechanism. “Too busy” may be your perception but it may also be your downfall.

I started this series of posts about a month ago in an effort to help Youth Leaders discover whether or not they had margin in his or her life.  The first post dealt with their own “perception” of available time.  The second post begins to address the “reality” of margins.  I had every intention of posting the third past last week, but I was too busy. (I kid… sort of.)

With this post we’ll look at the ramifications of your results.

The key questions you were asked to answer at the end of each “test day” play a key role as we begin to unlock the ramifications…

  1. What task did I do today that I enjoyed the least?
  2. What, if anything, could I consider “wasted time?” Furthermore, how much time was wasted?
  3. What key things did I not get to today that I wanted to get to?
  4. What part of my day brought me the most joy?

These four questions and the patterns you most likely see develop lead to our four ramifications.

Tasks You Like The Least Probably Don’t Align With Your Gifts: I’m not the person who should be asked to go on “mercy” visits to the hospital.  I care that grandma is dying, but I should not be the person asked to make multiple visits.  Your “margin” in ministry is most likely being shrunk because of tasks that are not consistent with your gifts.  Two practical ramifications pop up:

  • Don’t Voluntarily Take On Tasks Outside Your Gifts and Passions: This isn’t to say you shouldn’t stretch yourself or be anti-biblical; simply don’t create a pattern that leads to your frustrations increasing.  I see this pop up when Youth Pastors are trying to “get ahead” by performing more for his or her elders, pastors or parents.
  • Get Trained In an Area of Frustration: Some tasks may be taking up too much time simply because you don’t know how to work efficiently in that area of ministry.  Hate data entry?  You may find someone who loves entering addresses, but it also could be as simple as someone teaching you the database system.

Things That You Wasted Time Doing Are Probably Misguided Areas of Passion: While writing this blog post I certainly “wasted” much time in Instant Message conversations on both iChat and Facebook.  I value relationship above most any other thing. However, I have many tasks at hand that don’t get done because I lack discipline at times.  Two practical applications I’d suggest.

  • Be Accountable For Your Time. In my case, Facebook and I-M is enhancing relationship, but it distracted me from getting a task done.  Whether it’s Facebook, reading, daydreaming, networking or even “meetings” that you see becoming a distraction some accountability may be in order.  Let someone know your limits.  One thing that I have done in the past is literally ask the person I am “chatting” with to come back online in an hour and see how much we both have gotten done in that last hour.
  • Consider a Fast: Taking a break from something usually leads to a greater appreciation of the thing you’re taking a break from.  I know some folk who are taking too much time with each other; their network meetings were 90 minutes and have now become three hour times of fellowship, prayer and accountability.  There is nothing wrong with the content of the meeting, however, these same guys and gals have grown frustrated with their lack of productivity on these Tuesdays. To them, I’d suggest taking a month or two off and come back with a renewed vigor for the original 90 minute  agenda.  The same can be applied for me; a one week sabbatical from Facebook, blogging, etc. may be exactly what I need to create better margins.

Things Left Undone Are Typically Not Priorities: This one is a tough one for me to swallow.  I really love teaching God’s Word and my “gifts” inventories seem to indicate that “teaching” ranks high on the list.  However, I never seem to prioritize the time for study for talks.  I’m more of a last minute guy when it comes to studying for messages.  This really leads to a lack of margin in my life when leading into weeks I am speaking. For you it may not be teaching, rather a feigned attempt to say “campus ministry” “staff relations” or “communication” is a priority. This leads to a couple suggestions.

  • Compartmentalize: This word is typically a “bad word” in our spiritual life, but when it comes to getting things done I’d suggest that you literally set up two hour chunks that are set aside to do such things that you say are priorities but in reality are not.  For me this would have meant at three, maybe four different “compartmentalized” chunks for study during a week I was preaching in big-church.
  • Have Check-Points: Another area of accountability, but if you truly want to gain margin in your life, increasing accountability in areas of “tasks” typically will create better time-management.  You want that flyer out by Friday? Make sure someone knows by Monday that you’re working on it and ask them to ask you to have a rough draft to them by Wednesday so your “priority” can become exactly that!

Things That Bring Joy Are Probably An Indication of Your Next Position. This is not an invitation for that grass being greener on the other side of the fence.  Remember, that growing grass needs to be mowed as well.  We are all in process and the things that are bringing you the most joy are probably the things that you ought to be freed up to do more.  This may take place in the morphing of your current position, but it also may be an indication of the next position you’re called to. For instance, a friend of mine who is probably the most passionate guy I have ever seen for campus ministry has literally been hired part-time by the high school and was able to drop his church position (pay and hours) by 25%.  The church was able to hire someone with that 25% savings to serve in another position and the Youth Pastor is freed up more for the lost souls on that campus.  Though “Joy” is not the goal, joy may be the indication you’re serving in your sweet spot. Two things you can do as a result.

  • Find Out What Others Are Joyful Doing: We spend so much time focusing on what brings us joy that we’re often unaware of what brings joy to others on our team.  The tasks you hate doing may bring another person joy; the task you love doing may also be a task that brings someone else that same joy (are you willing to share)?  Perhaps you’ll find you’re freeing someone up for their next position?
  • Excel in Your Sweet Spot: Do what you’re doing all the more!  Instead of just trying to improve your area of weakness, excel in the area of strength.  If you get an A in art, B’s in everything else and a D in Math I would give you a suggestion:  shore up the D (make sure the weak spot doesn’t make you fail) but excel all the more in Art!  Too often in ministry we spend time dwelling on the D or trying to improve the B’s that we ignore the A.  Unused gifts and talents become dormant.

As you have looked at your perceived margins and then further examined the validity of those margins it is my hope now that you are able to apply some practical tools to advance the Lord’s call in your position.  May you be freed up to do what you’re most passionate about and most gifted to do.  Be faithful in your position, be honest with your authorities and be willing to make the changes in your disciplines to bring Him all the glory!

Grace,
Brian

SMS: Consistency Breeds Consistency

Brian Aaby 2 Comments

Excuse my grotesqueness for a second…

The other day I had a “blemish” (okay, zit) on the side of my nose.  Fortunately it wasn’t one of the Rudolph-type pimples, rather it was a bit hidden on the side. Really, if I must have one, I much prefer it playing hide-n-seek on the side instead of camping out on the peak.

No matter where it was, I was very aware; every conversation I had with others I was mindful of their eyes.  I watched to see where they were looking.  It was obvious to me, but probably not so much to others.

For Youth Leaders I think attendance at youth group is often their zit.  They feel like it is an obvious blemish that others are noticing.  When asked how youth group is going, most will answer with some sort of numeration involved:

  • “Its’ going well, a few less people than we’d like, but going well…”
  • “Awesome, we had 18 new kids last night, it’s going so great bro!”
  • “We had 43 yesterday!” (I don’t know if 43 is up or down, but that was the answer as to ‘how youth group is going?’)
A great attendance night is followed up with celebration and a great mood.  A poorly attended event may lead to a week-long panic that his/her job may be lost.
Numbers do matter, because numbers represent people and the lives we’re trying to minister to.  However, attendance at an event, class or program shouldn’t be the measure of relationship or the definition of your job.  I understand the pressure to see things grow, namely programs, but this cannot be the only measuring stick.  But because I know it is a measurement, I’d like todays SMS to address some simple things that can work to perhaps bring back some consistency to your possible downward trend in attendance (especially as we eventually move toward the traditional “senior fall out” of the spring), but more importantly, bring some better clarity as to your role as one who is in relationship with teens.
  1. Affirm Those Who Are In Attendance. “Where is everyone?” is about the worst thing a Youth Pastor, Small Group Leader or Pastor can say to those in attendance… Am I not anyone? Those who are at your meeting, event or ministry need to be celebrated and affirmed for being there.  Count it a blessing that you have the opportunity to be in relationship with the flock who is there rather than concentrating on and being consumed in thought by those who are not.  It is obvious to those there.
  2. Quick Communication To The Absent. A timely text message (not mass text) to an individual may be exactly what is needed.  “Hey Jordan, sorry we missed you tonight, hope all is well, look forward to seeing you Friday at the game.”  10-15 texts, emails or FB messages immediately after an event may go a long way to a student feeling missed.  Remember, many students are internally asking the question “will people notice if I’m not there?”  Make sure you do notice.  In addition, use  the name; students can sniff out a mass text!
  3. Maintain A Safe Distance. We have all had students who simply don’t want to be chased.  Be careful that in your pursuit of relationship you don’t look like a freak, “that guy” or “that gal” who won’t lay off.  However, consistency in the life of a teen is key.  If you maintain consistent communication with teens and your relationship with them isn’t dependent upon their attendance at youth group then they won’t feel chased, they’ll feel pursued.  I believe these similar words have a very different feel.

Knowing that the world is telling students mixed messages, one minute a teen feels valued and the next they feel like the person who wasn’t asked to prom, we have the opportunity to consistently be in relationship with these wonderful students.  Remember, you’re not alone, it is not up to you to make a student feel valued, your team is vital to this.  Each person on your youth ministry team can/should be pursuing his or her flock. Beside that, you don’t have all the time in the world.  Taking five to 15 minutes a week just to communicate consistently with that missing volunteer, absent teen or seldom seen parent could go a long way toward growth in your community (regardless of event population).  Don’t be consumed and add to your busyness, be freed up for relationship (speaking of busyness; next week I’ll conclude the “Margins” series, check those two posts out here: part 1 and part 2).

May the attendance blemish no longer define our week!

Grace,
Brian

One Month Window!

Brian Aaby Leave a comment

January 28 to February 28 is what I would consider our one-month window! Over the next month we’re praying that God provides many “Harvest Workers” for the fields he is preparing throughout the U.S.A, Canada, Mexico and Costa Rica.

Just last night I received this instant message from a college Freshman in Oregon:

“Brian, are you doing a spring retreat again?  That training and all the prep for and the actual mission to Alaska completely changed the direction of my life, I want to help at this years retreat if I can so that others get it too!“

Many Youth Pastors have already chosen a mission trip, but the sad reality is that most groups don’t do much with training these teams.  To me, “sign-up and show-up” mission trips must stop, these are nothing more than “Christian Experiences.”  I believe the real blessing in mission is the “get it” moment when students (and adults) realize that mission is not just there and not just here–mission is anywhere!

Regardless of whether a team has a mission in mind; we want teams trained for Mission51.  Will you do Youthmark a big favor?  Help us get the word out about Mission51–training for the 51 weeks beyond the mission.  If you know of a youth group doing a mission ask the Youth Pastor what he or she is doing to get the team ready for after the trip.  Reaching our own Jerusalem is part of the mandate.  In fact, I’d argue that God did not release the Apostles to “anywhere” (read: uttermost) until they were effective at reaching Jerusalem.

We’ve released a quick three-minute video that explains Youthmark Mission Ventures and the Mission51 training.  It can be found at the Youthmark homepage here or on Youtube below.

Spread the word, we’re hoping to see a large increase in the number of teams using some training books, attending one of our Together, Spring Retreats or getting copies of Merge for after their mission experience.  Of course, we still want many Youthmark teams as well, the full benefit of all the training at the most affordable prices for a mission.

We’d love it if you would send emails with links to this blog or Youthmark.com, post on Facebook, do whatever you can; get the word out, let’s use this one-month window where Youth Pastors are making big decisions to spark Mission51!  Will you?

Grace,

Brian

SMS: The “Like” Button

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Every now and then I will read a status update from one of my friends on Facebook that is really good.  I may even hit the “like” button on it, it’s that good! Whether it’s an update about the persons day, a link to a fantastic blog-post or a quick quip that had me at hello,  I “like” it and want the person to know.  It got me thinking; what if Christians carried around “Like” buttons and started practicing this in person more often?

I’ve now entered my 20th year of working in Youth Ministry.  I certainly “like” this.  I really enjoy working with teens, parents/families of teens and all the other people who are on the team influencing youth.  But it is often a world where “like” buttons are not pushed often enough or for the right reason.

We often “like” the little things in life.  We like things that are often just the first layer of the person.  We honor humor, appearance and ability.  This is not wrong at all; but these attributes are only the skin (and sometimes the cover) to the soul. I wonder what it would look like in youth ministry if we took the time to “like” the soul of the other person?

Whether you’re a parent in youth ministry,  serving as volunteer on a team, or maybe even a student, this blog is for you.  If you’re an elder at church with a youth group, a principal at a school that has a campus club (Young Life, Youth For Christ, Fellowship of Christian Athletes, etc.) or if you’re a grandparent of a child who goes to a Student Ministry group, this post is for you as well. Soul encouragement is needed, let’s move beyond the surface and begin to bless one another with real “likes.”  I’ll give three quick snapshots.

To Parents/Families: Take the time to speak into the lives of those influencing your teen.  Please understand that though the Youth Pastor may receive a paycheck for what he or she does, that X amount of money isn’t the reason they are doing it.  The value of a changed life, reproduced soul and influenced family is the real payment.  Knowing that what he or she does is bringing glory to God is certainly payment enough, but please don’t let it stop there-you have the opportunity to give them the cherry-on top and the affirmation/reminder that God is at work in his or her life.  Think about the scores of others, the volunteers in student ministry who don’t get the monetary reminder of a job well done, these shepherds will be fueled by your encouragement.  But again, don’t just say “thanks,” speak into their lives.  Let them know what you “like” and why.  Don’t just compliment about how they are leading your family member, notice the attributes of their soul.

Students: Take the time to compliment, encourage and bless your best disciplers. For many, this is not your Youth Pastor or even your small group leader, my prayer is that it is your family (and even more pointedly, your parents)!  Of course, you should bless the socks off your other influencers as well; but I’d encourage you to honor your parents/family behind their backs, but in addition, speak into their lives at home.  Remind your Dad of the great things God is teaching you through the way he lives his life.  Tell your Mom the wonderful things you see the Lord doing in her life.  Don’t just say “thank you” for the way they provide, give your parents permission to lead you even better!  I know that some come from difficult situations where this isn’t possible; but you’re not exempt, the spiritual parents in your life will be so blessed by your words, emails, texts and wall posts.

Youth Pastors/Leaders: We are typically great at “liking” the surface things.  Because our influence comes in one hour chunks a few times a week, we don’t often have a lot of time to speak more deeply.  When we go to watch the game we compliment after, “good game.”  When we hear the student give a testimony at church we often follow up with “great job, you did awesome.”  Again, this isn’t wrong; but what if we dove in deeper?  The parents of teens in your group are influencing the way you have or will parent; take the time to speak blessing into those lives, go beyond thanking, give examples of why and how you were influenced.  Your teammates in youth ministry could stand to be blessed as well.  Whether it is a co-leader, another Youth Pastor across town or the parachurch guy/gal at the school; speak deep with real “likes.”

Of course I could go on, but instead, let’s just move on to action.  Let’s fan into flame the gifts the Holy Spirit has given.  I read in 1 John the consistent reminder for the believers to love each other, then the outsiders will know us.  I see in Acts that the early church met with one another “constantly” and loved each other so well that those outside the church came to know Christ.  I see in 1 Thessalonians that Paul wanted to “live among” the people so that the Gospel and life could be shared.  Our call is to love, encourage and bless the body by not just liking, but loving.

My “like” button is in hand, I pray that I’ll be able to “like” the soul of those around me so well, that they truly do sense my love for them, not just my “like” for what they do.  The student ministry world will be rocked, the church will move forward and those lost may even be found!

Grace,

Brian

SMS Spark Idea: “Dinner Scramble”

Brian Aaby 1 Comment

Every now and again I’d like to tweak the Student Ministry Stuff (SMS) series and give what I’ll call a “Spark Idea.”  I’ve seen other Youth Ministry bloggers and organizations label posts like these as “freebies.”  I guess each of my SMS posts (or anything on the blog for that matter) could be considered a freebie, but specifically these Spark Ideas may fit that category well.

Philosophical Background For This “Spark“

I believe that student ministry is (and should be) three pronged (Student, Staff and Parent).  In fact, my first two SMS posts speak to this issue, here is the second of the two posts (which links directly to the first as well); however, most Youth Pastors I am in relationship with (especially those under 30) are strong in and prioritize just one or two of these prongs. After all, they think, they’ve been hired to work with the youth.  Therefore most prioritize his or her relationship with students.  Quickly realizing that they need help, they then recruit chaperones who may or may not become shepherds.  That’s usually how it goes.  Unfortunately, very few prioritize the relationship with parents (or the congregation at large).  I believe ALL THREE key relationships need to be a point of emphasis. The “Dinner Scramble” is an event which prioritizes all three and gives an essential change of pace for your normal weekly programming at the same time!  As a bonus, this event can be one of the best events for students to invite their unchurched friends!

The Dinner Scramble Explained

Venue: Homes of church members (quite possibly “parents” of youth group students)

Host/Facilitator: A Volunteer Youth Leader (“staff”)

Scheduling: Pick a regular “Youth Group Night” as your targeted night for your Dinner Scramble (approximately 6-8 weeks in advance).  Recruit the right “venue” homes.  You’ll need one house for every 5-6 students you believe will sign up for this event.  You’ll need at least one volunteer leader for each of the homes you recruit. They will serve as “host” to assist the family who are providing the venue/meal.  Ideally, your volunteer leaders will not provide the venue, as you are trying to broaden the exposure of your students ministry and improve your relationship with parents and/or congregants.  Work hard to get a separate host family (venue) and leader who can concentrate on the relational hosting.

Announcement: After you’ve lined up host homes and a leader (or two) for each house you can announce the “Dinner Scramble”  to your youth group.  I suggest you charge $5 per student so that you have seed money in which the host home (venue) can submit receipts for reimbursement (let them know they have an approximate $30 budget for the dinner, which is very doable, suggest: pasta, bread & salad).  Most venue hosts never did turn in receipts and the $5 charge ended up being a youth group fundraiser.  It was a nice fund to have though for the few folk who did take advantage of turning in receipts.

Invite: As students sign up (register) for the event they should turn in a card with name, phone, address, email (facebook), etc. The key to this event is that students will not know where they are going until they are invited by the assigned host (approximately 5-7 days prior).  I’ve had leaders get pretty creative in doing the invite as well.  Some simply call, some send snail-mail invites where others have literally TP’d bedrooms and posted signs in the student’s room.  Students really began to look forward to the event and became evangelistic in it as well.

Relational Evangelism: We encouraged the hosts and venue hosts to be ready for double the amount of actual invitees.  Our students were encouraged to bring a friend.  Because students did not know who else would be at the specific house they were assigned to, they were very open to bringing a friend so that they didn’t feel alone.  Amazing what a student will do to not feel alone, imagine, they’ll even invite a friend to an event!

Community: The host leader at the event would be in charge of the theme and entertainment outside of the meal.  Some choose Italian, others did a Mexican theme and built the entire night around the theme.  Besides great food the teens, leaders and venue family laughed and played together well.  Games like Mafia, Pictionary and Scategories became barrier breakers and students, parents and leaders enjoyed the (2 hour) evening together.  I can only imagine with Wii and more wide-spread internet options, how much fun groups could have now.

Mix It Up: I used the event to mix up our students a lot. Instead of placing best-friends together, I made sure we had a great mix of guys and gals who did not know each other well.  This really leveled the playing field, enticed better outreach (again, students want to know at least one person, so they invite friends to the event) and students ended up getting to know others in the youth group (and beyond) really well.  Again, the element of surprise (not placing people together or even revealing where you were going until a few days before) became a selling point.

After the first year and experiencing success it was NEVER hard to find new host families (venues) and/or leaders who wanted to participate.  It was a win on every level… Parent (or congregation), Leader and Students all felt blessed.  Outreach took place and the sense of community among peers grew!

Hope the idea sparks creativity for you and gives you a curve ball to throw at your group!

Grace,
Brian

SMS: Know Your Margins (Part 2)

Brian Aaby 2 Comments

I grew up playing catcher in baseball and was goal keeper in soccer.  Both of these positions required quick reactions.  My body became conditioned for fast-reflexes in order to catch the ball or make the save.

I’ve found that many have become conditioned with a similar cat-like reflex when asked, “how are you?”

The automatic reaction: “I’m Busy”

Yesterday I posted the first in this SMS series on knowing our margins.  You can read that here.

I’ve done my fair-share of consulting and coaching with other Youth Pastors, the “times” have varied and a lot of this had to do with attitude, current situation/stressors and job satisfaction.  I was one who always undervalued the time it took to do different tasks; if I were to take that self-assessment I’d come up with 30-35 hours, but reality was far different than perception.  On the other hand, I’ve had Youth Pastor friends who have far over-valued the time it took to do the things listed.  One Youth Pastor came up with 73 hours for those questions I listed in the first post.

No matter what your estimated answer is/was, your perception is your reality until you gage it against your true reality.  That’s the process we’ll begin today. That’s right, I said begin.

Those who want to live in perception, will not do this next step; however, I will give you this word of advice, I think learning your reality will pay HUGE dividends in the end.  You’ll become more efficient in your time management, learn to be a better communicator with those who need to know your busy-factor (spouse, family, leadership board, Pastor, etc.). However, not doing this step will allow you to keep that built-in excuse of being “too busy.”

Margin Inventory: Reality

Grab a blank sheet of paper or an open Word Processing Doc to commit your answers to a page (or several pages if you do this fully).

Next step, you have two choices, Reality or Close-to-Reality (C2R). Depending on if you would like to do this activity over the course of a day, a week or a month you’ll create a more accurate reality.  Believe me, your answers and reality will only be accurate if you take the real-time to figure out how much time is actually spent on each area of your job/ministry.  I do understand that some will choose to take an hour total to do this task (rather than 15 seconds per question) to get their C2R Margin.  Others will take a week to get a better sample and some will choose to track a full month.  I highly suggest taking a full month (or at least two full work-weeks) to do this.  In a few weeks I’ll write a conclusion to this Margins series to talk about the ramifications and applications for your Reality-Margins.

You’re going to create a self-accountability time-sheet.  You’ll need anywhere from five to twenty minutes per day to do this.  I’d suggest that each evening (at the end of your work day) you recall your schedule for the day.  Keep track of the amount of time you spent on each thing.  Below is a list of common-youth ministry tasks:

  • Program Times (Youth Group, Sunday School, Small Group, Event)
  • Staff Meetings
  • Lesson Prep (Youth Group, Sunday School, Discipleship, Small Group)
  • Program Prep (research games, errands for food, games, etc.)
  • Contact work with students, staff or parents
  • Minstry Time Online (facebook chats, blog-reading for ministry enhancement, etc.)
  • Administrative Tasks (phone, emails,planning events)
  • Attendance at events or on-campus for students (games, plays, concerts)
  • “Other” (sermon prep, other church activities, etc.)

I believe the best thing you could do is once a day (evening) take 5-10 minutes to record your day.  Below is a sample from a Youth Pastor’s day…

  • 8:45 Office  (went through emails, snail-mail, and perused facebook)
  • 9:15 Research and phone call for fall camp (researched prices, took notes, called 3 camps to get dates/rates)
  • 9:50 Drove to Cutter’s Point coffee for network meeting
  • 10:00 Cutter’s Point network meeting with Scott, Amber, Tim, Kyle, Roger and James.
  • 11:30 Lunch with Scott and Kyle (talked fall camp options)
  • 12:45 drove back to church
  • 1:00 Admin task (emails, facebook messages, online chats)
  • 1:40 Small Group prep (read James 3, did some commentary work)
  • 2:30 Phone call with Tyler in Colorado (accountability partner, talked ministry, family and small group advice)
  • 3:15 Worked in Pages to create some possible flyers for fall camp themes
  • 4:00 Went home
  • 6:20 Drove to small group
  • 6:30 Small Group (6:30-8:00)
  • 8:00 Talked with Josh and Josh’s parents after small group (great conversation)
  • 8:45 Drove home

Add Up your ministry hours and even break them up into the different categories from above:

Answer the Following:

  1. What task did I do today that I enjoyed the least?
  2. What, if anything, could I consider “wasted time?” Furthermore, how much time was wasted?
  3. What key things did I not get to today that I wanted to get to?
  4. What part of my day brought me the most joy?

Key: Honesty!

This is not an accountability form for you to give to others (at least not right now), this is truly a self-assessment.  Again, we’ll get to the ramifications and implications in a few weeks (stay tuned).  In that blog we’ll bring the information together to create your Reality Margins.

I look forward to the conclusion (a post or two) in a few weeks, until then, I hope this begins to guide some thoughts and shape your Margins!

Grace,

Brian

SMS: Know Your Margins (Part 1)

Brian Aaby 5 Comments

“I’m so busy.”

Chances are you’ve heard, read or said those words sometime in the last 20 minutes.

How do you react when you hear somebody else proclaim these words?  Sympathy?  Empathy?  Sarcasm?  Defensiveness? Calloused?

These overplayed words can have dramatic implication for your life.  Position Descriptions, job status, pay-rate and of course the health of your family are all effected by the perception and/or reality of these words.

Most of us are “busy,” or at least think of ourselves as busy.  Unfortunately some of us want to make it a competition or use our busyness as an excuse to be non-committal, non-relational or to get out of something we don’t want to do.  Others, are literally “too busy.”  Today’s Student Ministry Stuff (SMS) blog post is geared to help you assess whether or not you really are too busy.  Sometimes the answer is time-management at other times the solution is to make some drastic changes to your schedule.  In either case, discovery is the first step. You need to know whether or not there is margin in your life.

This post is specific to the “paid youth worker” out there, however, I believe this blog could be useful to those outside of vocational ministry as well; obviously some of the questions and applications change, but the basics remain the same.

In order to know whether you’re “too busy” or not or if you have margin in your life to add anything new begins with an assessment process.  It starts with taking an inventory.   Today we’ll start with “Perception.”  Tomorrows post will deal with “Reality.”

Margin Inventory: Perception

Grab a blank sheet of paper or an open Word Processing Doc to commit your answers to a page.

Answer the following questions, without spending more than 15 seconds on any one answer… that’s right, your answers need to be quick and just estimated.

Work/Ministry Related

  • How much time do you think you spend in “program” time each week (Youth Group, Sunday School, Small Group, events, etc.)?
  • How many hours are you in church-staff meetings (weekly staff meeting, one-on-one with Pastor, etc.)?
  • What amount of time would you estimate you spend studying for talks (messages) each week (Youth Group, prep for small group, Sunday school)?
  • What is your guesstimated time you spend planning or setting up for your weekly programs (game prep, errands for supplies, etc.)?
  • How many hours would you guess you spend doing contact work for ministry purposes (one-on-one with students, parents, leaders, etc.)?
  • How much time would you say you spend actively online per week  during “office” time (and for ministry purposes)?
  • What amount of time would you guess is given to other administrative tasks (phone, emails, chats, planning events)?
  • How much time is spent weekly planning for “BIG” events (missions, camps, retreats, fundraisers, curriculum development, etc.)?
  • How many hours, if any, are spent on a school campus, in network meetings or at ministry related events (ball games, choir concerts, etc.)?
  • Some have “other” tasks that stand out that need to be done, if so, what are those and the estimated hours needed?

Add up that total and you have an estimated “perceived” hours.

Again, this is the first of a process, tomorrow we’ll start to deal with “reality.”

Alright, let’s hear it; as we move from perception to reality, feel free to comment on your perceived hours spent each week.  Some people will be surprised your perceived hours are far more than you’d thought, whereas others grossly underestimated and your hours spent were far fewer than you thought; either way, let’s hear about it.

Grace,
Brian